2010 in retrospect

By all accounts, 2010 was something of a difficult year for me, one that had more downs than ups. It started off badly in January, when I had to undergo an endoscopy to see if there was anything wrong with my stomach and esophagus (other than slight inflammation, however, the biopsy revealed nothing wrong). Then the following month I suffered through some kind of stomach virus that had me vomiting violently, and even though it passed quickly, a few days after the fact I developed a hysterical/anxiety-related condition in which it felt as if I couldn't swallow food. Thanks to the virus my weight plummeted down to 119 pounds at one point and, not to sound like a drama queen or anything, I really did feel like I was on the verge of death. So, the year started off with me hitting rock bottom and ever since then it's felt like I've been trying to pull myself out of Hell (though I did manage to get my weight back into the 130's range). A series of bad sinus infections and a bout of conjunctivitis over the summer did little to help my already sour mood. Then in the Fall I found myself in a very stressful situation at work that forced me to choose to work part-time, because the alternative I just couldn't deal with. More recently I've been dealing with the usual Irritable Bowel Syndrome and colitis issues, along with a nagging case of heartburn that's driving me crazy, even though the medication I'm on is supposed to get rid of that kind of problem. In short, my health has been lousy, even more so than usual.

There have been personal problems as well. Over the summer I made friends on Facebook with a Korean woman, who is around my age, and who is a college student at a university in Buffalo, NY. We hit it off quite well (as we had much in common in terms of literary tastes) and I spent many long hours talking with her on Facebook chat, where she was quite flirty. I found some of these conversations exhausting, though, as this person was prone to suicidal depression and her requests for me to cheer her up were emotionally draining (and I'm not exactly a barrel of monkeys myself). Some of my friends warned me to avoid her, saying that she liked playing mind games and that she dropped people as friends on Facebook on the merest whims, but I always defended her. Then one night in early September or so she just dropped me as a friend with no warning, and when I asked her why her response basically was "for no reason." That really hurt me and I felt like a fool for wasting so much time trying to help her with her problems (to say nothing of defending her reputation).

Not that it was all doom and gloom. I ended up finding a publisher for my short story collection, which was a huge boost to my self-esteem. I've read 80 or so books this year, a new record for me (I hope to post the full list on this blog very soon, probably on the final day of 2010), and I finally got around to exploring the works of Cormac McCarthy, Vladimir Nabokov, and C.S. Lewis. I read the entire New Testament for the first time, and next year I plan on reading the Bible in its entirety (I also read some Eastern religious texts I've been meaning to get to for awhile now, such as the Tao Te Ching and the Upanishads). I constructed two highly informative days for Dennis Cooper's blog, one revolving around the music of Current 93 and the other on the philosophical horror of Thomas Ligotti. I saw two live shows this year, Lady Gaga when she was in Boston in July and Adam Lambert in August when he was at Lupo's in Providence, and both of those shows were really great. I went to Philadelphia with my family for a few days in August and it was really cool and inspiring to see the Liberty Bell in person. I also got a lot of writing done in The Marble Index, a book I always thought would ever exist only in my head: now I'm just starting the final chapter, and even though I have no plans on publishing it it's nice to finally have it done, after all these years. I made some new friends, which is always a plus. And finally, I started up this blog, which seems to be going pretty well so far.

My plans for 2011 include the following: to get a few short stories published, to start work on a new "official" novel, to go back to college to study computers in the hopes of landing an office job involving data processing, to build my health back up, and to continue writing material for this blog.

Oh yeah, I decided to start watching some new TV shows also. This Fall I began with Glee and next year I hope to start watching Mad Men (because I kind of have the hots for Christina Hendricks).

Despite the fact I face much adversity in my life, mainly from an anxiety/depression disorder and my chronic stomach/intestinal/digestive problems, I don't plan to give up the fight just yet because I feel I still have more work to do on this planet. With that in mind, I'd like to end this blog entry off with my new favorite inspirational song, sung by another celebrity I have the hots for, Glee's Chris Colfer: