Memories Dreams Reflections 8: The Play

 

When it comes to preserving memories, the human brain is an arbitrary antiquarian. It’s amazing how the most trivial things stick in the mind, and how some very important memories we lose. For example, one nonsensical thing I can remember is the lyrics to “Have You Seen the Ghost of John,” a song we used to have to sing during music classes at Bernon Heights Elementary School, a song whose lyrics I’ve always associated with Halloween:

“Have you seen the ghost of John?

All white bones with the skin all gone

Oooh, Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Wouldn’t it be chilly with no skin on?”

One of the things I liked about the grade school I went to was how they would decorate each classroom to reflect the current season. So during the fall months, you would see multi-coloured cardboard leaves and Jack-o’-Lanterns cut from orange construction paper lining the walls. Room 2, which was my classroom at Bernon Heights Elementary School in the 4^th grade, was no different in this regard. And I can still vividly remember the day when our teacher, Miss Lamansky, announced to the class that our classroom would be staging a Halloween play towards the end of October. She then handed out to each of us photocopied and stapled copies of the play, which I shall now take it upon myself to describe.

The name of the play was The Case of the Giggling Goblin, and it was written by a woman named Helen Louise Miller. It was a one act play, only 7 pages long, and it was included in the book Short Plays for Children: a Collection of Royalty-Free Comedies, Mysteries, Folk Tales, and Holiday Plays for Boys and Girls (Boston Plays, Inc., 1969), which was a collection of 24 plays. The setting of the play is Judge Jack-o’-Lantern’s underground court room, in the abandoned Bloody Bones Mine, which is part of a community of monsters and ghouls that collectively is known as Hauntsville. In this court room, an informal hearing is taking place. Gladys Goblin, the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Gorgon Goblin, has been deemed a nuisance to the citizens of Hauntsville due to her incessant giggling. A number of citizens are called to make statements, including Gladys’ parents, Dr. Spook (author of a book on goblin guidance, who claims that Gladys is suffering from giggilia nervosa, or nervous giggles), Olga Ogre (Gladys’ teacher), the Phantom of the Opera, Dr. Dracula, Damon Demon (a reporter for the Hauntsville Happenings newspaper), and Harry Haunt (the newspaper’s photographer). Other characters include the Judge’s deputies, Captain Cornstalk and Sargent Scarecrow (remember, this is a play for little children). Towards the end of the play, two human beings invade the mine, causing the citizens of Hauntsville to go into hiding (which makes them pretty piss-poor monsters, really). The humans are treasure hunters, with plans to dynamite the mines in search of gold. However, they’re scared away by Gladys’ ghostly giggling. The citizens of Hauntsville proclaim Gladys as their “Halloween heroine,” and the play ends with everyone chanting “Hurray for Gladys the Giggling Goblin.” And…. Curtain.

There are a total of 26 characters in the play, some more important than others (Judge Jack-o’-Lantern and Gladys are pretty much the two main characters, while the eight Hobgoblins only get one line apiece). Miss Lamansky began taking volunteers for each role. When it got to be my turn, I decided to go with Dr. Dracula, the court physician, who speaks a total of 4 times in the play. Being the introvert that I am, I’m unsure why I didn’t just volunteer to play as one of the Hobgoblins. But something about the role of Dr. Dracula seemed to be calling to me. Perhaps because the character was a vampire, and I had a fascination with vampires. As you can imagine, there’s a story behind that, and it can all be traced to an obscure video game, the Intellivision Dracula game I mentioned back in the 6th entry of this series. 

The date of the performance of the play was set to October 17^th, 1989: a Tuesday (I myself was born on a Tuesday, for the curious). In the weeks leading up to the play, my mother began fashioning for me a vampire costume (which would later double for my Halloween costume for that year, when we went trick or treating 2 weeks later), while I set about memorizing my lines. Luckily, I didn’t have all that many to learn, and my memory has always been pretty good anyway. Our class also began rehearsals for the play, which were pretty dull.

Meanwhile, starting around the first of October, a poster began appearing on the walls of the corridors of Bernon Heights Elementary School. This poster was a golden yellow color, and it depicted a black and white illustration of a cheerfully smiling ghost emanating forth from the top of an equally cheerful-looking Jack-o’-Lantern. Words were typed out in black letters on the body of the ghost, and this is what the letters spelled out:

 WORTH HAUNTING FOR!

ATTENTION PARENTS OF 3^rd & 4^th GRADERS

On October 17 the PTO will sponsor its first

monthly event from 7-8:30 P.M.

Miss Lamansky's 4^th gr. Class will present

“The Giggling Goblin”

Followed by a Halloween flick

Treat bags will be handed out at the door.

In order to keep the cost of the evening

down we ask that each family bring some

dessert to the event, ie. brownies, cookies.

We hope to see you there!!

Thanks for your cooperation!

Unfortunately, I can’t remember what the “Halloween flick” that they showed after the play was.

As previously mentioned, the one and only performance of my 4^th grade class’ staging of The Case of the Giggling Goblin took place on October 17^th, 1989, in the school cafeteria/auditorium. And here I have a bit of a confession to make: even though this entry has been culminating towards this moment I actually don’t have a great deal to say about the actual performance of the play, simply because, for whatever reason, I don’t remember a great deal about that night. Ironic, no? As stated earlier, I can’t remember which movie it was that was shown after the play was done. I can’t remember the name of the girl who acted as the star of the play. I don't remember how the stage was dressed. I can barely even remember what it was like to act in front of a large crowd of people. I’m sure that my parents recorded it all on their camcorder at the time and that footage exists on some moldering VHS cassette tape somewhere, though I have no idea where that is (hell, we don’t even have a VHS player anymore). So all I can do is tell you what I do remember.

My costume, for example, the one that my mom made for me in the days leading up to the play (it helps that I have a picture of it, I suppose). I remember I was wearing a long black cape (with a red velvet lining) over a white dress shirt and black vest combo, plus black dress pants and black dress shoes, and I was also wearing some type of gold medallion around my neck (with a fake red jewel in the center). Some white corpse face paint/make-up was applied to make my skin look paler (probably not really necessary as I pretty much always look very pale anyway), and black make-up was smeared along the tops and bottoms of my eyes. I forget if I was wearing plastic fangs or not: I think I may have tried those out at first, but they may have made saying my lines too hard, so I probably went without them. I also had a prop: a black medical bag, inside of which was one of those rubber skeleton toys you can buy at any convenience store around Halloween time. 

I remember that during the play itself I was standing stage left, not far from the wings. The play was 7 pages long, and my role kicked in at the end of page 4 (and stretched to around the start of page 5). When the Judge called me forward, I strode to the stand carrying my medical bag and delivered my first line: “I have reason to believe, Your Honor, that the case of the Giggling Goblin can be cured.” I must have been mumbling my lines at first, because when I looked out into the audience, at that sea of expectant faces, I remember spotting Ms. Lamansky in the front row, mouthing the word “louder” to me, so from then on I began to speak in a louder voice. When the Judge asked me to explain my theory, I said, “It’s very simple. Remove the giggle and the cure will follow.” I then reached into my medical bag and pulled out the rubber skeleton prop. As one of the other actors held the skeleton up, I used a pointer as I spoke to demonstrate my vampire’s medical theory, and I said the following lines: “If Captain Cornstalk will assist me, I will demonstrate… Now, Miss Goblin says the tickling starts here and proceeds upward through the lungs and laugh canal until it reaches the oral cavity, where it explodes into a giggle. Obviously, if we remove the giggle and block the laugh canal, her problem will be solved.” As the Giggling Goblin pleads that she’d rather be shut up in a dungeon then never laugh again, the Judge opines that Dr. Dracula’s treatment seems a bit drastic. I then delivered my big line: the play noted this line should be said dramatically, so in a haughty and dramatic voice I said, “To remove a giggle would make medical history.” The Judge then dismissed Dr. Dracula, so I replaced my medical equipment into my bag and walked back to my spot at stage left. And that was pretty much the extent of my role in The Case of the Giggling Goblin.

The Case of the Giggling Goblin wasn’t my final experience as an actor. During the 5^th grade, in the years 1990-1991 (my last year at Bernon Heights Elementary School), I took part in another one act play, Old King Cole’s Christmas. This was a much more low-key production (in that it was only performed in front of my fifth grade classroom rather than the whole school), though in this one I played the lead role, King Cole himself. I should stress here that I certainly didn’t want to play such a big part, but that my teacher handpicked me for the role, so I didn’t really have a choice. I found this experience so unpleasant that afterwards I resolved to never act again. And true to my resolve, I didn’t. It would seem that the world of Or was not for me. The World of Er, on the other hand, had just begun to open its gates...